Friday, April 17, 2009

Quackers IPL Preview

THE IPL is back.No other tournament, in sporting history, has captured the attention of the public, in such a short span of time as this one.The party shifts to south Africa this time around, thanks to elections and security issues in India. Along with the IPL, Quackers Chronicles also makes a comeback with a preview of the eight participating teams,inclusive of all the Masala stuff.

Bangalore Royal Challengers - On the cricketing front,the flamboyant Kevin Peitersen joins the squad along with big burly Jesse Ryder. KP's cockiness,ryder's ruthlessness, and mallya's assertiveness should provide the spark for the test team to ignite. KP's induction also implies the fall of the great wall of India. Rahul Dravid,has certainly been sidelined, what with mallya making KP and Kallis as captains.
Game for success or not, Bangalore Royal Challengers are certainly game for life. Team owner mallya never dissapoints.Necklines plunging, hemlines rising, they are all set to let the mercury soar, higher than any of the sixes that come from the blades of Kevin Pietersen. Yes the BRC cheerleaders were testosterone material the last time around,but this time Mallya goes a step further by replacing the washington redskins blondes with the white mischief gals. These girls are said to be specially trained in flirty acrobatic skills for deleivering scintillating on-field
performances.Wonder what the ram sena, karnataka's moral watchdogs,are upto these days?Perhaps preparing themselves to be nifty with thier fingers to shield people's eyes whenever the girls come on tv..gagging eyes with pink chuddis could be a better option!

Kolkata Knight Riders - What a daft idea John Buchanan, has come up with! four captains it seems. 1 captain to look after the bowling, 1 to set fields, 1 captain for batting,and 1 to supervise and assist. Sounds like something out of lord of the rings. You know , the "One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them,one ring to bind them..."funda. We would be surprised if this "innovativeness" does not come across as a cropper. Buchanan a failed first class cricketer,previously coached a highly successful australian side, though what he did to contribute towards their success, apart from forcing his players to read sun tzu's the art of war,remains a mystery.
KKR did not seem to have cheerleaders the last time around apart from SRK and his bollywood pals.This time around, SRK has associated himself with a popular tv channel, to select the KKR cheergals. 4 captains, new cheerleaders..well,well KKR are certainly not bothered with cost cutting in these troubled economic times are they?

Punjab kings XI - Pretty Preity!! that's whom we all associate this team with.Mashrafe Mortaza is the latest addition to an already long list of competitiors to Ness Wadia. This season, the kings XI seem to have gone for a wardrobe restructuring, with yuvi and preity(Of course!) unveiling snazzy red team jerseys,complete with the "Fly emirates" caption at a gala ceremony a few days back.Most of the cricketers would have heaved a sigh of relief, what with the lads being forced to step out on the park clad in complete pink attire, last year.Of course it was a case of "you me matching , matching"during the last season ,with the players' cheeks going pink with embarrasment, everytime they won, complementing the pink attire.That was because miss Zinta was truly generous in doling out "jaddu ki jabbis".We hope her magnanimity remains unchanged. What bigger motivation do the players need?However, the kings xi players, especially a kerala speedster and psycho(logist) would certainly seek lessons from experience and be aware of where to draw the line, least they end up with a tight slap on the cheek!

Chennai super kings - QC officially supports this team! Also the team to beat as far as we are concerned. Hayden,the giant 's certainly looks fit and ready. He's apparently been surfing on the sydney beaches the past few months, to regain fitness.With raina, albie,murali and ntini all in the form of thier lives,and add to that a fully fit freddie flintoff, the lions are all set to stamp their authority, in this five week african safari.Our illaya thalapathy joseph vijay and chief selector chika may not make the trip to south africa this time around,But heck, who needs them.. sivamani more than compensates thier absence.
Laaast but not the least, chennai has amongst its midst, YEM YES DHONI...this guy can do no wrong can he? he even speaks tamil almost perfectly nowadays. Move over manmohan and advani, dhoni for prime minister we say! so all you fast bowling,spinning and bat wielding opposition rascals watch out...chennai has the bats and the ahem..balls to bowl you over and tough is winning? hahaha..khana, for this team it is jujupee..!

mumbai indians- For starters they could have been a bit more creative, in naming the team. If they are the indians, then who the hell are all the rest of us??Anyways let bygones be bygones. The Indians tactically switched robin uttapa with zaheer kahn, during the transfer window with the bangalore team. A strategic move, we think, what with pollock retiring and zaheer hitting a "purple" patch.The opposition teams better watch out for zak attacks.Bankrolled by ambani,QC was surprised that they didn't bid for KP or freddie, during the auction.And yes Sachin aala re! He was unfortunate to miss a lot of matches during the previous season, but this time around he is all fit and focussed to lead his beloved mumbai.QC's second favorite team, this one. After the
horrors of the 26/11 attacks, A hard fought IPL victory would be the best testament to the undying, never say die spirit the mumbaikars are famed to possess.

Delhi Daredevils - Imposing batting line up. Their One, two three are Najafgarh nawab Virender Sehwag, Wall the II, gautam Gambhir and the pint sized aussie dynamo David Warner. Yes, gape with astonishment. Delhi should be able to chase any score, if these guys get firing. Though the ever green mc grath and mr. reliable vettori bolster the bowling department, the absence of Asif would mean 12 overs of part timers, all rounders and never seen before youngsters.This could be their weak link in an otherwise strong chain. Maverick players like AB Villiers and maharoof will add that element of uncertainity,and QC advices its readers to follow the delhi games closely, for each and every one of them could be nail-bitters.They were very clear with whom they wanted during the auction, and are certainly holding all their cards to the chest, as far as discussing new strategies are concerned. As for non-cricketing issues,well they are perhaps the most boring side..all the players seem to be too reserved and well behaved.Come on guys, let some hair down.. may the owners of Delhi please put their hands up? they like their players, seem to be a reticent lot..

rajasthan royals - The ipl champs. the perfect underdog story last year.Wouldn't be surprised if they make a movie out of it soon.The royals have certainly attained some glitz,glam and cash this season, thanks to Shipa Shetty and her not so attractive,money minting machine-boyfriend.the Royals will miss Tanvir and watson thisyear. New additions Tait and Thron Henderson certainly have big boots to fill.
As for the masala stuff , well Shilpa's cricketing knowledge are certainly not along the lines of her punjab counterpart, priety, and she'd better do her homework.Indeed, the svelte beauty mouthing the words " square cut"as she delicately executes a pull shot, holding the bat the wrong way, during a photo shoot, would certainlyhave evoked a shudder from every average cricket traditionalist.Wonder how many more cricket faux pas she's going to commit.With her present knowledge levels, and the apparent lack of inclination to exhibit interest towards picking up the finer nuances of the sport,The sky's the limit.
oh well,It should be more than ok for all of us,as long as she sticks to just strutting her stuff in the royalsjersey, leaving the cricket to the men. Warnie could perhaps spend some time with her talking cricket , and of course nothing more.

Deccan Chargers - They were Chargless and completely drained out by the time, the last season ended.The team looked good on paper and thats all.One would have expected them to go all guns blazing during the second auction,but that did not happen.Puzzling.The side is further depleted, due to the pakistani players been given the boot.
One can only hope that the ever mercurial gibbs and gentleman gilly could weave some magic, to provide some cheer to their loyal supporters.Bad boy symonds is now a mere shadow of his past self, and morale is at an all time low. Chances of winning appears bleak and if this team wins the ipl,well.. pigs will fly.
One thing to the Chargers' credit, is their no-compromise policy as far as their cheer leaders are concerned.The DC girls could help raise the temperature in a wintery south africa and sustain the high mercury levels,unless emraan hashmi decides to board the south africa bound flight to cheer the chargers.

And yes the gujaals only get better and better, what with lalit modi announcing a new pageant contest to be held on the south african grounds.Viewers will be able to vote for the pretiest female fan, amongst the millions of pretty girls present on the south african grounds during the match.Ultimately one girl would be chosen amongst the 55 finalists(1 chosen from each of the 55 games), during a beauty pagent contest coinciding with thefinals.The winning lass, will apparently be offered a bollywood role. well for the male viewer,the good times have certainly arrived!

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

"The Quackers Chronicles " -Your one stop for all updates on the quackers! - A weekly newsletter -September 13-September 19

Bangalore,India -In shocking news, both bharathwaj and vasanth were spotted wearing aprons, gloves and the chef's hat.A laudable effort indeed, much needed, during such troubled times when Mr.inflation has taken a sudden fancy to reach for the stars, thereby
causing pandemonium amongst stock traders,investment bankers and young IT profs in bangalore. The chefs concocted the
perfect weekend lunch.The culnary venture invovled two operations,fried potatoes and capsicum/ carrot sambhar.But un-forseen complications forced the chefs to modify the menu, and carrot and cucmber soup was served instead."cooking rookies: the
Audacity of hope", the definitive bible of rookie's cooking in bengaluru called it "The best ever soup ever cooked, baring
in mind that the initial idea was to cook sambhar" .The reporter would like to inform the readers that while Quackers
Chronicles is a perfect epitome of a newsletter that publishes objective and undistorted news, the same can't be said of
"cooking rookies: the Audacity of hope". Last heard, bharath and vasanth were planning to apply for the post of tv chefs on
the tv program "samayal samayal" in vijay tv, so that they could pass on thier valuable suggestions to all the contemporary
desparate young women, who seem to totally rely on the tv to correct all their culinary weaknesses.The duo's perect weekend
continued, what with frank lampard, coming up with a solid performance against man city, and chelsea trouncing man city 3-1.
Quackers Chronicles wishes the men-in-blue(occasionally the men-in-black) all the very best for next weekend in a crucial
match against the red devils.Send 'em to hell ,you rocking blue(or black) boys!

College Station,TX - Vignesh had a usual week, completing Dr.You-better-finish-my-
assignments-or-else's homework.He also raked
his brains to come up with some wonderful slogans for CRY.Quackers Chronicles congratulates this quaker for doing his bit
towards improving the life of under-priviledged children.He is also preparing for the indian dinner,coming up in a month's
time. The Indian Dinner in the American colleges has always been a hugely awaited event. Dr.You-better-finish-my-assignments
-or-else was heard describing the event to his colleague as one with "wonderful food and lots of desi chics". QC
congratulates its college station reporter on some sharp antenna work.QC also wishes to clarify the Fact that vignesh engages
in kadalai sessions with sweety sharma and not preethi sharma.The editor would like to apologize for the error made.

Palo Alto, CA - We regret to inform that our Palo Alto reporter has been absconding with his report.However reliable sources
tell us that CVK, the latest addition to the quackers club has landed here.further news awaited.

Coimbatore, India - Harish "Mama" Sundaram had a quiet weekend, enjoying a well deserved rest at home after all the hard work
at Sun.Mama followed the customary mala-paambhu routine .The mala-paambhu routine or the python routine , basically consists
of a set of procedures, where in a person replicates the metabolic activities of a python snake.The python snake is known to
gorge on a single meal and then laze about for weeks, barely moving a muscle.People replicating the routine do the same,
albeit for a shorter time span of one-two days.Harish has also tried his hand at photography, this week. and it must be said that Stephen Leacock would'nt have come up with that essay where he criticizes a photographer, had he met Harish before. Harish also created a blog , wherein Quackers Chronicles can be easily viewed and accessed.Hats off to harish, and the quackers are excited at the prospect of virtually having their own official website.Further news on the official quackers site will be provided next week.

Editor's Note
Readers, please note that if you have any complaints regarding this paper, you can email us at ""
. Our staff member, Mr. Mailer Daemon will reply promptly.

All suggestions may be mailed to Vasanth directly.

"the Quakers Chronicles" -your one stop for all updates on the Quackers ! - A Weekly Newsletter-September 6- September 12

As a philantrophic gesture, and respect towards the bonding, friendship , association and all that, Messers. Vasanth has decided to start a weekly newsletter, describing the goings -on of everyday life of Mr.Bharathwaj, Mr.Harish, Mr.Vignesh, and of course Mr.Vasanth.Other members will be added based on content availability.
Here's to the Weekly newsletter "the Quakers Chronicles" -your one stop for all updates on the Quackers ! (trademark not registered).
Other creative Names are welcome.The Author couldn't exercise his cerebellum any further to come up with a better name, despite his vettiness, due to mind boggling decisions made throughout the day over grad school selection.Anyways enjoy this week's issue!!

Quackers , refers to the club consisting of four BITSGIANS (Vasanth, Vignesh, Bharathwaj, Harish). The name has been derived from the Religious Society of Friends founded by George Fox.(Quackers Chronicles doesn't have the foggiest idea has to who he is - name lifted from good old e-dictionary "Word Web")

Bangalore,India - Oracleite Bharathwaj Natarajan spent a fruitless weekend watching 4 (at last count) movies. This is understandable , as All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.The work being refered to here , is Mr.Bharathwaj's valiant attempt to bell the cat. Mr.Bharathwaj has been spotted furiously solving problems from the book " quantitative aptitude " by Abhijeet Guha lately. Our reporter had a tete-a tete with Mr.Bharathwaj, and when asked, if he would indeed bell the cat this year,a vociferous Bharath replied " BELL THE CAT? BELL THE CAT? AM F****** GOING TO TEAR IT TO PIECES"!! Tear apart a pussy bharath? naughty! naughty! As we all know, Bharathwaj always had a way with women!

College Station,TX- Texas A&M chancellor is very proud of the latest addition to his impressive list of MS whiz Kids. Mr. Vignesh Venkatraman, has been reading up research paper, after research paper at an impressive rate. Says the chief- research paper supplier Dr. You-better-finish -my -assignment -or -else( A pseudonym - Quackers Chronicles would be grateful if Mr.Vignesh, suggests a better name for his mentor.) proudly quips " Vignesh's ability to gobble up research papers at a fascinating rate, has given a glimpse to America of the amount of energy consumed by Indians, and this has been one of the pivotal reasons for India been granted the nuclear deal by NSG". Way to go Vignesh. When not gobbling up research papers, Vignesh, also cooks, chats with his friends back in India, and engages in kadalai sessions with Rekha and Preethi Sharma. Quackers Chronicles wishes this comrade all the very best, in research paper reading and chic hunting.

Bangalore, India
- Harish "Sun Mama" Sundaram, has been very busy lately at Sun Microsystems. He has been twiddling with software tools like Pidgin. While Quackers Chronicles has been unable to extract any technical information about Pidgin, It does wonder as to why, the developers of Pidgin, simply couldn't come up with a better name. Anyways, reviews about Pidgin are welcome from all readers. Mr.Harish has also been lonely lately due to the departure of his roomy Mr.A.P.Vignesh to coimbatore. Mr.Harish
thus accompanied Mr.Vasanth to the habitual weekend hangout spot ,Brigade road.Both Mr.Harish and Mr.Vasanth, along with fellow BITSGIAN Santhosh "Santry" Ramesh, were struck with acute Brigade Road Syndrome.For the uninitiated, Brigade Road Syndrome refers to a set of symptoms which include a desperate yearning for a female companion, acquired as a result of over exposure to happy couples at brigade road.Quackers Chronicles wishes this compatriot a speedy recovery.

Bangalore, India - Mr. Vasanth Raghavan, the author and founder of Quackers Chronicles has been spending fruitless days shortlisting his universities. After an unfortunate confusion regarding issue of transcripts, Mr. Vasanth was last spotted trying to decide the colour of the envelopes in which he would be sending his transcripts."The green, threaded ones seem stronger but the brown ones would keep the water out", he mused.Quackers Chronicles hopes all issues are resolved quickly.And though he was not asked for it, Mr.Vasanth stoutly proclaimed " I went out on a date" , to refute any claims of being attacked by the Brigade road Syndrome over the weekend. Pompous Bitch!

Editor's Note
Readers, please note that if you have any complaints regarding this paper, you can email us at ""
. Our staff member, Mr. Mailer Daemon will reply promptly.

All suggestions may be mailed to Vasanth directly.

New member

Quackers welcome the new member Mr. C.V.Krishnakumar there by extending the QC distribution to Palo Alto, California. The second week's edition on QC mentions vasanth and waj waiting to participate in samayal samayal. I suggest they release the recipe for the "best ever soup in b'lore" as a new blog :P